I really didn't want to do this...

I’d hate to be one of those self-obsessed bloggers that write on and on about thier flaws and woes but there’s something that’s really been bothering me lately and I have to get it out somewhere.

I haven’t had very many long-term relationships… well, about three but they involved a long span of time and were on and off and two kind of kept overlapping one another (not in a cheating way, I strongly believe in monogamy). So, lets rephrase that to: I’ve had three long term on-and-off relationships. As mentioned before, I have a tendency to go back to what’s comfortable because it seems right. And while it may be right, I definitely have a way of fucking it up. And right now, I’m feeling the effects of my fuckery.

Since my last relationship I’ve had some fleeting encounters that haven’t amounted to anything even remotely serious. I’m beginning to wonder if the emotional toll of two on-and-off relationships intertwined has left me with some pretty deep seated commitment issues.

I thought by excluding one of those women from my life entirely would give me a clear head, really help me see what’s been in front of me all along. Well turns out what was in front of me all along decided to stop waiting and start seeing someone else. No big deal because we’ve been friends longer then anything more then that… But it definitely made me realize I have made no attempt whatsoever at looking for someone new.

Lets get a couple things clear, I hate the bar scene, there is no way in a million years I will find someone at a bar and establish a deep connection needed for a relationship. Bars are a quick fix to get laid and that’s about it. That and most bar girls aren’t my type. Well, they may be for an hour or two while I’m there but that’s about it.

and as for school…yeah maybe I might find someone there but who am I kidding? I’m not even looking while I’m at school, I’m way too fixated on finishing this last year with it being one of my best academically. That may very well be the dorkiest thing I have ever said… if anyone can corfirm that it’d be appreciated.

so, it kind of sucks that I have all this time on my hands to think about how I really have nothing in the way of a significant other